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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Hey thirsty person! The  Mercury's HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK is happening RIGHT NOW and it ends this Sunday, December 4! Get all sorts of creative, holiday-themed fancy cocktails concocted by your fave Portland bartenders... and get this: They're only $7 each! Now let's dive into some thirsty NEWS.


• As if yesterday's big Portland Thorns news (described below) wasn't enough, check out this head-spinning story from The Athletic: Coach Rhian Wilkinson has resigned from the Portland Thorns after admitting a "complicated" text relationship between herself and a player that turned into deeper feelings. The act was self-reported to HR by Wilkinson, and while the relationship reportedly went no further and she was cleared of wrongdoing following an investigation, Wilkinson said she is resigning anyway because the players learned about the dalliance first, and asked her to resign. Read her full press release below:

• And ICYMI: After months of pressure, Timbers/Thorns owner Merritt Paulson announced yesterday that he's selling the Portland Thorns following management's part in the wide-ranging abuse scandal that rocked the National Women’s Soccer League. HOWEVER! In another example of the half-measures he's taken so far, Paulson is refusing to sell the Timbers, who have their own share of management-involved scandals. Abe Asher has the details!

• For those looking for a good explainer on how the Portland Business Alliance has wormed its way into City Hall, and is now controlling major local government decisions, here's a really good primer.

• While it's already being challenged in court by gun-lovers within the state, Oregon's voter-approved Measure 114—the toughest gun regulation in the nation—has attracted yet another lawsuit, this time from the NRA, a Eugene sporting goods store, the National Shooting Sports Foundation, and (surprise!) a handful of Republicans.

• In order to slow the onslaught of RSV infections in small children that's overloading pediatric hospital beds, Multnomah County officials are asking us to voluntarily mask up while indoors in public spaces until the end of the year.

• Despite it being swatted down in court in Washington County, Multnomah County Commissioners voted yesterday to go through with their proposed ban on the sale of flavored tobacco and other nicotine products. Check out the background details of this story from our Isabella Garcia.

• Let's go, brainy pants! It's time to play another exciting POP QUIZ PDX (the "world cup" of trivia games). This week: Quizzy Qs about local Pinocchios, celebrity Santas, and boo-hoo cry-baby businesses that threaten to skedaddle out of town!  

• Good arts news!


• Infowars shitheel Alex Jones has filed for bankruptcy after being sued within an inch of his life by the families of Sandy Hook victims for his repeated lies about the massacre. He's said to owe the families $1.5 billion.

• "World's Worst Boss" Elon Musk has suspended Kanye West from Twitter for posting an image of a swastika combined with the Star of David—because he is an antisemitic asshole. Don't thank Musk too quickly, researchers say that hate speech on Twitter has reached a unprecedented high since Musk has taken over.

• In a very complicated move, President Biden has signed legislation that will avert what he calls a "catastrophic" railway strike, which will force union workers to accept a sub-par deal that favors rail bosses. (The raw deal would've been sweetened with the addition of extra paid sick days, but the Republicans and Dem Joe Manchin screwed that up.)

• An appeals court has stuck their thumb in the eye of Trump (and a hand-picked Trump judge), by rejecting his pleas for a "special master" to review the partially classified documents he stole from the US government and squirreled away at Mar-a-Lago. This clears the way for the Justice Department to go hard on his ass.

• And finally... the weekend coming on like....