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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! If you're anything like me, YOU LOVE LAFFIN', yah? Well then you should definitely snag tickets to the Mercury's upcoming UNDISPUTABLE GENIUSES OF COMEDY show—featuring the cream of the crop of Portland stand-ups. Trust me, this show will be freaking hilarious—but ya better hurry! It's THIS FRIDAY, January 13 and it's getting close to a sell-out! And now here's something that's never a sell-out... the NEWS.


• Well... this isn't good: According to ODOT's own analysis of their Rose Quarter/I-5 expansion plan, there's an increased risk of pedestrians being hit and potentially killed by car drivers near the Moda Center. As you can probably imagine, safety advocates are NOT HAPPY. Our Isabella Garcia has more.

• For those Portlanders who are too quick to demonize the entire houseless community instead of seeing them as individuals [*looks hard at new Commissioner Rene Gonzalez*], check out this story of a man who had been helping a homeless community with food and support, and when he was attacked, they ran to his rescue.

• Multnomah County is watching with interest a plan to fast-track close to 100 cases in Washington County which has no public defenders. People accused of crimes (and the victims as well) have been in limbo due to the state's public defender crisis, and WashCo's plan is to arrange plea deals with help from volunteer lawyers and county prosecutors to make a dent in the backlog.

• Good (potential) news: The state will be sending certain Oregonians checks for up to $10,000 (🤑) in their bid to refund people for $10 million in unclaimed tax refunds, paychecks that were never claimed, or other random property. Think you may have some unclaimed funds coming to you? Check out Oregon Unclaimed Property and find out! (I'm checking to see if they have my sandwich I left at the bus stop the other day.)


• Tell me if you've heard this one before: Thousands of domestic terrorists stormed their nation's capitol yesterday causing destruction and mayhem and attacking police after claiming their beloved former loser president was the victim of a rigged election. Yep, sure sounds like January 6, 2021, but this time it was in Brazil, and hundreds of these terrorists were arrested after breaching several government buildings including the presidential palace, Congress, and the country's highest court. New president Luiz Inácio condemned the actions, blaming former President Jair Bolsonaro for inflaming the crowd and causing the attack. Again: Sound familiar?

• In case you missed it, after being defeated a humiliating 14 times by his own party members, Rep. Kevin McCarthy finally got the Speaker of the House job—AND OH BOY, is he gonna regret it! He gave away the farm to the extremist wing of his party (including the ability to dump him anytime they want) and now he has to convince the rest of the party to agree to their shitty rules package! AND WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED... just imagine Elon Musk being the boss of an entire company of Elon Musks, and you'll see what McCarthy is up against.

• A Georgia grand jury has completed their investigation of Trump and his compatriots' attempts to overthrow the 2020 election in their state, and soon will be issuing their recommendations for... what I hope will be... some hard-ass prosecution.

• President Biden visited the US-Mexico border yesterday in an attempt to debunk the Republican narrative that immigrants are flooding across the border with criminal intent—though this is unlikely to assuage activists who say Biden's policies are too close to that of former President Trump. 

• More weather trouble for California, as they are bracing for a "parade of cyclones" (!!), heavy rain, and snowstorms tonight and tomorrow—all while more than 110,000 remain without power.

• And finally... take it from this dog: Your demands are not unreasonable.