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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Let's kick off this week with some partly sunny weather with highs in the damn-near-perfect 73 degree range. (For those who think 81 is perfect—that would be me, because that level of hotness best reflects my own—we'll have to wait until Friday.) Now let's hop into some perfectly hot NEWS.


• On Friday hundreds of local young people marched downtown to bring attention (for the billionth time) to the fact that our leaders need to stop fucking around and really make substantive changes to stop climate change—and yep, that includes shutting down Zenith Energy's oil transport company's residency in Portland, which after almost being stopped got a green light thanks to a backroom deal from our our city council. Our Taylor Griggs has all the deets!

• Today kicks off a six-day trial in which Harney County Circuit Court Judge Robert Raschio will eventually rule on whether Oregon's voter-approved Measure 114—one of the country's toughest gun laws–violates the state's constitution. A federal court has already deemed it constitutional, and no matter what Raschio decides it will most likely be appealed. So continue to be patient while scores of people die.

• As our Courtney Vaughn reported last week, Mayor Ted Wheeler will NOT be running for reelection and instead says he will be laser-focused on trying to fulfill the same failed promises he made when he ran for mayor the second time, except... now he intends to be meaner? 🤷‍♂️ (If anyone can figure this guy out, please let me know.)

• When you realize you must reelect DA Mike Schmidt. (Knight is like a walking People for Portland billboard.)

• The Oregonian published yet another hand-wringing report about the so-called demise of Portland, this time inspired by Travel Portland CEO Jeff Miller, who apparently told City Council recently that tourist bookings at local hotels have stalled due to "open drug dealing and usage" on downtown streets. Here's the thing about tourists, though... they are not psychic. And while addiction is troubling and especially bad right now (thanks to decades of city council inaction... see Wheeler's failed promises above), the tourists didn't know that they shouldn't come to Portland until local wealthy bigmouths (and their paid trolls, People for Portland) told them how supposedly terrible the city was, via various op-eds, billboards, annnnnd a truckload of articles like this one in the Oregonian. Hey snakes! How do you enjoy eating your own tails?


  • Five Americans have been released from imprisonment in Iran in a trade with the country that included the US unfreezing nearly $6 billion of Iran's assets—a move that temporarily calms frosty relations between the two countries, but you can guarantee it will heat up again soon enough.

• NBC's long running news show Meet the Press is rightly getting the shit kicked out of them for unnecessarily platforming the disgraced, lying former President Trump in an one-hour interview. They released this article that fact-checks his many lies... as if that's gonna make a difference. The damage has been done, and they should be held responsible for this cynical grab at ratings.

• Not content with spouting an endless stream of bullshit on Meet the Press, Trump also used the weekend of Rosh Hashanah to spew antisemitic hatred by blaming "liberal Jews who voted to destroy America" for refusing to support him. (If he wants more Jewish support, this doesn't really seem like the way to do it.)

• Oh, and speaking of white guys who should consider keeping their mouths shut: Rolling Stone magazine founder Jann Wenner has been kicked off the board of directors of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Foundation for making asshole comments about how (take a deep breath) Black and female musicians were not "articulate" enough to be included in his new book of rock interviews. Good luck with those book sales, buddy.

• Today in "YOU DON'T SAY!": "House Republican Tells Fox News There's 'Little to No Evidence' Supporting Key Theory Behind Biden Impeachment."

• And finally... thanks for your comments, here's the Mercury you asked for.