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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Okay folks, you've got two more days of sunny weather with highs in the upper-60s/low-70s until that fickle spring rain returns on Wednesday! HOW WILL YOU SPEND YOUR TIME? (I'll be in a darkened room binge-streaming The Gentlemen, but please don't be like me.) In other news... here's the NEWS.


• Hey Portland, the city's Government Transition Team wants YOU! There are a lot of big changes coming our way when charter reform kicks off in January 2025—and that means a lot of decisions that need to be made about day-to-day operations. Want to voice your opinion? Check out some of the big questions and where you can make your thoughts known in this informative piece from our Taylor Griggs! 

• While the Oregon State Beavers women's basketball team showed some serious grit and threw the fear of god into the #1 ranked University of South Carolina Gamecocks in yesterday's NCAA Elite Eight tournament, USC eventually pulled out a 70-58 victory against the Beavers, which launches them into the Final Four. 

• BUT GET THIS: It was discovered during the NC State and Texas game in the Elite Eight that the three-point lines at the Moda Center were different on each side of the court! The disparity was spotted right before the game, but the coaches decided to play on because they didn't want to delay the game, rattle their players, and possibly lose their network TV playing time. Six other teams had already played on the messed-up court, and as Texas coach Vic Schaefer rightly put it, “I hate to say this, but I have a lot of colleagues that would say—only in women's basketball." 😞

• While there has been an uptick in violent attacks on the scenic Eastside Esplanade, it's also true that the local community has been stepping up when the police can't or won't. And besides just helping those in trouble, OPB reports that the folks who live and play there are reminding everyone that if more people use the area and have fun there, the safer it will be for everyone. Also? STOP DEPENDING ON THE POLICE.

• Beloved indie band Chastity Belt has a new album out, and according to our Vivian McCall, it's cram-jammed with bangers that will not only make you laugh, but also marvel at the way they can also include honest confessions about frustrated aimlessness, loneliness, and finding purpose. Read the review!


• To the surprise of no one, conservative Trump lovers lost their goddamn snowflake minds over yesterday's Transgender Day of Visibility, which corresponded with Easter this year (as if that should make the slightest goddamn difference). Naturally, these hateful Republicans feel that nothing should ever have to compete with their false religious preening and consumption of marshmallow Peeps. (I can't decide which is worse. 🤮)

• Thanks to a handful of Republicans who are resigning from the House, the GOP's already-razor thin majority has dwindled down to one measly vote, and because they are incapable of working together (or with anyone for that matter), all they can do right now is screech and point fingers HEE-HEE-HEEEEEE.

• Israeli troops have withdrawn from a Gaza hospital after weeks of killing, who officials say, were Hamas militants. Twenty-one patients were reportedly killed in the attack, and Palestinian bodies "had been left scattered in the dirt around burned-out buildings."

• Anti-Kremlin hackers have reportedly broken in to a Russian prisoner database in apparent revenge for the death of activist Alexey Navalny. The hackers plastered the prison's website with a picture of the now dead activist with the words “Long live Alexey Navalny!” along with taking a database which includes information on hundreds of thousands of Russian prisoners—including the penal colony where Navalny was imprisoned.

• And finally... may all your entrances be as delightful as this one from Miley Cyrus.