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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Expect another mostly sunny day today with the high streeeeetching up to a balmy 79 degrees. Sounds like the perfect weather to grab a beer, a nice seat in the sun on the patio, and read the MERCURY'S 2024 QUEER GUIDE (love that transition) which is hitting the streets now, and is jam-crammed with loads of summer-y queer events, fun, news, and info! Pick one up (all will be delivered by this weekend) at a convenient location near you. And in the meantime, pick up on today's NEWS (being delivered NOW, straight into your eyeballs).


Former Oregon governor and Portland mayor Neil Goldschmidt is dead at the age of 83. While once considered one of the state's great innovators, and an unmatched political mover and shaker, revelations that he sexually abused the 14-year-old daughter of a friend and one-time aide during his tenure as Portland mayor in the 1970s eventually came to light in 2004, which, for all practical purposes, made him a pariah. He immediately left public life, and was largely unheard from again. Goldschmidt reportedly died of heart failure.

• Sad but necessary news: Portland's version of the iconic World Naked Bike Ride will not be happening this year, after ride leaders discovered they did not have enough help and planning time to pull off such a huge and complicated event safely for the thousands of riders who participate annually. BUT TRY TO TEMPER YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT with these two factoids: The World Naked Bike Ride will return next year stronger than ever, and there are other nude-y rides you can do during Pedalpalooza's summer-long schedule

• After ferocious pushback, the new CEOs for Oregon's chapter of Planned Parenthood have temporarily paused their plans to dissolve the political arm of the organization, Planned Parenthood Advocacy of Oregon, until after this year's election (and if many have their way, they'll pause the thoughtless plans FOREVER). At a time when conservatives are doing everything they can to limit abortion and women's rights around the nation, the new CEOs want to dissolve one of the best methods for protecting these rights in Oregon? Read the room, CEOs!

• In "rich people who have nothing better to do than to throw sand into the gears" news: "Multnomah County should pay for tent sweeps in Portland, powerful lawyer argues." 🙄

• Meanwhile, in news about "people and organizations who are actually trying to help other people instead of using a terrible situation for their own selfish benefit": "Portland to provide thousands of free air conditioners this summer; those in need can now call 311."😀


• Near-constant efforts from Republicans to control the bodies of women hit another snag today as the Supreme Court unanimously (and surprisingly) shot down an attempt from a group of conservative anti-abortion doctors to ban the FDA's approval of the abortion drug Mifepristone. The court found that these selfish, thoughtless docs could not prove they had suffered any harm from the FDA's decision. (Congress should pass a sweeping "Mind Your Own Goddamn Business, Republicans" law next.)

• In other Supremes news, the court has rejected a California lawyer's attempt to trademark the phrase "Trump too small"—which refers to the felon's comically teeeeeeeny-tiny hands—citing a longstanding tradition that stops people from trademarking other peoples' names. So, for example, one might possibly say instead, "Felon ex-president too small."

• Sheesh... more Supreme Court news? The Supremes ruled in favor of Starbucks today, rejecting a lower court's order for the coffee giant to reinstate seven Miami workers who were participating in attempts to form a union. This is NOT good news for those fighting against unfair labor practices, as it will force employees to jump through even more bureaucratic hoops to obtain justice.

• Back to the subject of felon ex-presidents with comically tiny hands: Donald "Too Small" Trump is returning to DC today to meet with the drooling sycophants of the Republican party for the first time since the January 6 domestic terrorist attack on the nation's capitol. These Republicans are now united in their unabashed love for the person who plans to throw our country into authoritarianism, and are eager to shake his hand... if they can locate it.

• And finally... for when the zoo refuses to sell you a panda.