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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋

Look, it's time for two things: VOTING and NAIL-BITING. We're T-minus five days from the November 5 election, so (if you haven't already) it's time to fill out your ballot! Need help? Then check out the Mercury's Election Issue (in more than 500 spots around town) which comes complete with all our endorsements AND our handy-dandy voter cheat sheet! I can't help you with the nail-biting... but I can provide some NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Police have revealed more about the Ballot Box Bomber (igniter?) who dropped incendiary devices into election boxes in Portland (harming three ballots) and Vancouver (destroying 475). Cops previously identified the make and model of the car—a Volvo S60—and says the suspect is likely a "Caucasian male, 30-40 years of age, very short hair or balding, thin to medium build, thin face, wearing a dark shirt, highly knowledgeable in both metal fabrication and welding." A reward of $2,500 has been offered for information that leads to the arrest of the individual, who police say may strike again. 

• In other election news, city leaders are freaking out over the possibility of civil unrest on election night if an authoritarian despot takes office with the intent of dismantling democracy and making life a living hell for anyone other than his supporters (which is to say, wealthy business leaders and Christian nationalists). Portland Police officers plan to work 12 hour shifts starting on election day, outgoing DA Mike Schmidt is promising criminal prosecutions for those who commit violence and/or the destruction of property, and the county is freeing up jail beds. And of course, Portland's shadow mayor—Andrew Hoan of the Portland Metro Chamber (AKA Portland Business Alliance)—is once again being platformed by local media, and blaming protesters for Portland's shitty reputation when it was his own allies in the millionaire and political class who in 2020 cried like babies to Fox News and the New York Times that Portland was "dead" and a hellhole, because they weren't getting the tax breaks they felt they were entitled to. Reminder that while there definitely a small group of violent a-holes mixed in with the thousands who were righteously protesting police violence against people of color, most of the so-called riots were not riots, and that these cynical attempts by the city (and its business rulers) to curb free speech is exactly why we don't want Trump in office. Stop being fooled.

• Oregon's largest gas utility, NW Natural, is on the receiving end of two lawsuits alleging they use greenwashing tactics to hide the negative environmental impact of natural gas, while knowingly disenfranchising customers and contributing to the climate crisis. Our Taylor Griggs has the details.

• Big news: Our own Rose City Rollers derby team will be hosting the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association Global Championships this weekend, right here in Portland! Our Rollers will also be competing for their fifth straight championship win. Trust me, I've attended one of these championships and they are a goddamn BLAST. Interested in going, and learning more RCR's very interesting history? Check out this banger of a story from our own Courtney Vaughn.

• Oh, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN (to those in my coven who celebrate). For those planning on trick-or-treating tonight, you better find matching raincoat to go with your Sexy Chipotle Fork costume—the weather forecast calls for steady rain during the prime candy grabbin' hours.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• And because it's impossible to think about anything else, here's your roundup of ELECTION HEADLINES:

"Trump says he would 'protect' women, 'whether the women like it or not'"  • "Dems see signs for optimism in gender gap in early vote" • "At least a quarter million cancel Washington Post subscriptions after non-endorsement, report says" • "MAGA activists say the election is rigged, vow to overturn the results if Trump loses" • "Trump and Johnson hand Democrats an 11th-hour lifeline" • "Election officials are outmatched by Elon Musk’s misinformation machine" • "Trump transition official says RFK Jr. wants to force vaccines off the market" • "Harris’s momentum in California energizes House Democrats, rattles GOP"

• The Los Angeles Dodgers are the newest World Series champions after defeating the New York Yankees 7-6 last night in a five game series. It was a stunning comeback for the Dodgers who were behind 5-0 in the third inning before the Yankees committed three errors and the Dodgers came roaring back in the fifth and eighth innings to seal the deal. 

• In a show of impotent masculinity, North Korea launched a test of their new long-range test missile that has the ability to reach the US mainland. The test launch was in obvious response to Washington's announcement that the North Korean dictatorship was sending troops to Ukraine to aid the Russians.

• A blast from the somewhat recent past (though it feels like a million years ago): The star of Tiger King, Joe Exotic, has announced he is engaged to a fellow inmate in a Texas prison, where he's serving a 21-year stretch for hiring a hitman to kill competitor Carole Baskin, as well as multiple counts of wildlife crimes. 

• And finally... if this actually happened at museums—I WOULD GO ALL THE TIME.

@anakins85 #thedramaisreal #grabsomepopcorn #thatsart ♬ original sound - All 🫖 No Shade!