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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋

Hey commuters! Keep your eye on your weather apps for the next few days as the possibility of snow showers are sneaking into the area. While we're not expecting to get much stickage in the valley, locations over 500 feet may see up to two inches of the white stuff—which for the sake of West Hills' residents is NOT cocaine... I'm talking about actual SNOW, okay? Now let's talk about some actual NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Mayor Wilson has knighted Michael Jordan to remain on as city administrator—a job Jordan's been doing since last July—through at least the end of 2025. For those Rip Van Winkles who just woke up and missed last year's charter reform brou-ha-ha, the city administrator is newly in charge of all the bureaus which have been run (poorly) by inexperienced city commissioners for the last 100 years. In other words, this is a BIG, IMPORTANT JOB. So is Jordan up to the task? Check out this story from our Courtney Vaughn for the deets.

Mayor Keith Wilson has nominated Michael Jordan to be Portland's city administrator until the city finds someone to fill the role permanently. Jordan's been interim city administrator since July. City Council will vote on the appointment Feb. 5.

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.bsky.social) February 1, 2025 at 5:09 PM

• Some movement in the Providence health care worker strike: Roughly 80 nurses and doctors at the hospital system's Women's Clinic have reached a tentative agreement with management to return to the job—though negotiations are continuing for healthcare workers at eight other major Providence facilities. Union members are celebrating the tentative win, but are encouraging management to give salary increases and get more help for the other doctors, nurses, and workers who remain on strike.

 • Good news and not-so-good news: Oregon weed prices are at an all-time low! 🥳 Unfortunately, it's because of a huge supply which is wildly outpacing demand, thereby putting cannabis businesses in danger. 😢 The problem is that Oregon has more than enough weed to share, but federal laws keep us from selling it across state lines. (And you can bet Trump's boring, money-stupid Republicans aren't going to help out.)

• As we all know, the famous Stumptown Fil is Portland's favorite weather-predicting animal (in actuality a wizard that's trapped inside a beaver's body... the reasons are complicated and I don't have time to get into it). And on Groundhog Day yesterday, Fil saw its shadow which (naturally!) means six more weeks of winter. Of course, this unscientific lore makes zero sense... but it's nothing compared to the nonsense the Christian church dreamed up, and at least beavers and groundhogs are cute.  

Let's go, trivia lovers! It's time for another super entertaining POP QUIZ PDX. This week's questions include: evil robot police dogs, idiot executive orders (from you-know-who), and other various BAD EGGS. 🥚 See how well you score!

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.bsky.social) January 30, 2025 at 9:58 AM

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Today in "Fuck Around and Find Out": Economic moron Donald Trump inflicted big tariffs on Canada and China (temporarily sparing Mexico) over the weekend, despite the fact that (according to experts) the high prices will be passed directly on to Americans such as his dipshit MAGA followers who elected him because of... checks notes... high prices. The global stock markets are teetering because of the bafflingly stupid decision, while the Dow plummeted a whopping 500 points this morning. 

“It will all be worth the price that must be paid,” President Donald Trump said of the tariffs his administration plans to levy on Canada, Mexico and China.

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— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast.bsky.social) February 2, 2025 at 10:06 AM

 

The last time we went to war with Canada they came down here and burned down the White House.

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— Pearlmania500 (@pearlmania500.bsky.social) February 2, 2025 at 3:36 PM

• Over the weekend, loopy billionaire loser Elon Musk and his new Department of Government Efficiency (DOOFUS) was granted full, unfettered access to the federal payment system—which contains YOUR personal, private information and delivers such critical payments such as Social Security checks, Medicare benefits, tax refunds, and lots more. And already Musk is taking cues from his business partner Donald Trump, and lying out of his ass about it. Musk spent the weekend making wild claims on his personal Mr. Microphone (AKA Twitter) that the Treasury Department and the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) are "criminal organizations" who are "breaking the law every hour of every day." HAHAHAHAAA... WOW. (Have fun driving your Teslas and Cybertrucks as the economy crashes around you.)

• In more Elon Musk news, today the android potato head says that Trump has agreed to shutter USAID, the agency tasked with administering billions of dollars in humanitarian aid and security to well over 100 countries. As previously mentioned, Musk—offering exactly ZERO proof—accused USAID of being a criminal enterprise, and offered this clumsy, very weird (and exactly on-brand) analogy for why they're shutting it down:

“If you’ve got an apple that’s got a worm in it, maybe you can take the worm out, but if you’ve got actually just a ball of worms, it’s hopeless. And USAID is a ball of worms. There is no apple. And when there is no apple, you’ve just got to basically get rid of the whole thing,” Musk said.

Maybe RFK Jr.'s brain worms have infected Musk's thick skull as well?

What’s his beef against USAID in particu….oh. Wow.

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— Carl T. Bergstrom (@carlbergstrom.com) February 3, 2025 at 3:19 AM

• The Grammys finally got it right this year, giving its top awards to Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar, and a host of women performers. Queen Bee took home the "album of the year" award for Cowboy Carter, Lamar won best record and song of the year for "Not Like Us" (much to the chagrin of Drake), while female artists such as Doechii, Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan, and Charli XCX took home awards as well. 

• And finally... if you're finding yourself repeatedly overwhelmed and worried over the state of the world, I have one word for you: DINOSAURS. (At least it made this guy feel better... and maybe you, too?) Have a great Monday.

@letter_daddy It’s Monday but we gone make it through! Have a good day fam! #fyp #deliveryheroes #usps #monday #morningvibes #arizona #phoenix #morningcheer ♬ Storytelling - Adriel