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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!š
Let's get excited: This Thursday marks the 2025 edition of the absolutely hilariousĀ Mercury UNDISPUTABLE GENIUSES OF COMEDY! Portland's top stand-up comics (10 of 'em!) will take the stage in a gut-bustin' evening of laffs, led by hype man/host extraordinaire Adam Pasi, and super special guest Mohanad Elshieky! (Want to know a lot more about the comedians you'll see? READ THIS.) But you better get those tix quick for this Thursday's (March 20) show. Now let's punch your ticket for a ride on today's NEWS.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
ā¢ Thanks in part to a lawsuit filed by state attorneys general (such as Oregon's own Dan Rayfield), two federal judges have ordered President Trump (and his sniveling toadie Elon Musk) to reinstate fired employees from across more than a dozen government agencies. The orders say that Trump has until 1 pm today to notify workers they can return to their former jobs, but so far Oregon's federal probationary employees have not been alerted, and are very naturally skeptical.
ā¢ Reminder to pick up your own copy of the best arts guide in Portland, the Mercury's Spring Arts issue (in print at more than 500 spots citywide)!
The Mercury's swole Spring arts guide is here to tell you about everything from the Claude Monet painting at the PAM to a brand-new nail art fest in SE Portland. Get in here! We're explaining art!
ā Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 13, 2025 at 1:12 PM
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ā¢ A Black Portlander, 35-year-old Dominique Ware, is the second person this year to die while in custody of the downtown Multnomah County Detention Center. And this case is particularly sketchy, because Ware's family has not received any solid information from officials about his death or why he was even arrested in the first place. Questions posed to the Multnomah County Sheriff's office by reporters were referred to the US Marshals (who originally arrested him, and wouldn't say why), but they in turn sent the journalists back to the Sheriff's office for detailsāand so the grieving family remains in the dark about the exact cause and circumstances surrounding Ware's death.
ā¢ While some colleges and universities across the nation have shut down their DEI programs and groups (as well as removing the words "diversity" and "inclusion" from their websites) following threats from King Fool that he would take away their funding, Oregon's higher educational institutions are, by and large, holding fast and keeping their programs. The notable, and very few, exceptions include Clatsop Community College in Astoria (who is considering getting rid of, or rebranding, their DEI council) and... surprise... Corban University, a private Christian school in Salem.
ā¢ Meanwhile, town halls featuring Oregon's Democratic senators Ron Wyden and Janelle Bynum have been jam-packed with thousands of citizens demanding to know what Democrats are doing to stop the onslaught of Trump's targeted plan of revenge and chaos. While the two offered some limited insights into what small changes they can make, it's notable that neither were able to relate an actionable game plan from the party to their crowdsābecause it's increasingly obvious that the Democrats don't have one. š”
Let's go, trivia lovers! It's time for a new POP QUIZ PDX. This week's fun trivia includes: righteous protesters making a big noise, Republican face-plants, and trading in your icky Tesla for something WAY cooler! See how well YOU score!
ā Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 13, 2025 at 10:01 AM
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IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
ā¢ And speaking of the floundering Democratic party, senate minority leader Sen. Chuck Schumer capitulated to the GOP on Friday, and voted in favor of Trump's spending bill in order to keep the government openāmuch to the fury of formerly loyal Dems across the country. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was particularly scathing with her comments, saying āThis [traitorous vote] turns the federal government into a slush fund for Donald Trump and Elon Musk,ā and while she didn't say so directly, Ocasio-Cortez is being considered as a possible candidate who may run against Schumer in the next election.
"Horrible, horrible, horrible!"
ā Raw Story (@rawstory.com) March 17, 2025 at 7:00 AM
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ā¢ Surprise, surprise....
As President Trump escalates a trade war, countries are targeting red states with tariffs. See where jobs will be affected.
ā The New York Times (@nytimes.com) March 16, 2025 at 11:27 AM
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ā¢ After a federal judge blocked Trump's efforts to deport thousands of undocumented migrants, King Fool's administration up and did it anyway, bragging about how they deported nearly 300 men who THEY CLAIM (without providing evidence) were members of a Venezuelan crime gang, who THEY ALSO CLAIM (without providing a smidgen of evidence) are "violent criminals and rapists." Trump apparently invoked the Alien Enemies Act, which allows the government to deport people in times of war without trial. Legal groups are demanding answers about why Trump ignored the orders, and the judge's decision is expected to be appealed to the Supreme Court.
ā¢ King Fool is also expected to have a chat with his puppet master Vladimir Putin on Tuesday to discuss a plan for a 30-day ceasefire between Russia and Ukraine, that also includes... get this... "dividing up certain assets" inside the country, which include land and power plants. (Is it just me, or do you think Putin is going to get the better end of this deal?)
The U.S. operator of Forever 21 filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, edging the brand that helped pioneer the low-price, on-trend retail model of fast fashion closer to shutting down hundreds of stores across the country.
ā The Washington Post (@washingtonpost.com) March 17, 2025 at 7:55 AM
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ā¢ At least 39 people are dead after a very severe storm frontāincluding multiple tornadoes, wildfires, and dust stormsāpummeled the midwestern and southern United States. In Oklahoma, more than 400 homes were damaged by 130 wildfires, at least 12 were killed in Missouri by tornadoes, and dust storms (spurred on by high winds) led to the deaths of a dozen and caused a 50 car pileup in Kansas.
ā¢ According to a report from the Hollywood Reporter, the much beloved Texas music festival SXSW is planning on trimming two days worth of musical performances from their events, while putting more focus on their movie and television offerings.
ā¢ And finally... here's an important update on exactly how many screws I have left.
@muppetpool #PuppetsOfTikTok #ShaggyBlue #massfollowing ā¬ original sound - Double Donkey Ranch
