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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋

Get ready for a gorgeous start to your week with sunny skies and highs in the mid-70s for Monday and Tuesday. And don't forget that in one short week on May 12, the Mercury's HIGHBALL WEEK kicks off with seven consecutive days of delicious, creative cocktails made by 41 of Portland's best bartenders! (My big idea was to furnish a medical gurney at each Highball venue in case anyone needs to be pushed home... but once again my genius was ignored. 🤷‍♂️) And now, make way for an emergency gurney of NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

•  What? It's time to vote, AGAIN?? Yes it is, and the due date is May 20—so have you filled out your ballot yet? I didn't think so. But that's okay, because the Mercury is once again riding to your rescue with our election endorsements, which includes alllll the skinny on alllll the school board candidates—AND YES, thanks to the incompetent and cruel MAGAts who have been trying to hijack school boards across the nation for the sole intention of torturing kids, it's especially important to turn in your ballot. Plus there's a verrrrrry tricky Portland Schools bond to consider as well, but don't worry... we've done the research and have your back. So do your job, American... and VOTE to reclaim your country!

It's ELECTION TIME! And this May's ballot has a LOT of *very important* choices to make about local schools. Lucky you, the Mercury has done all your homework for you with our smart and accurate endorsements! Fill your ballot out with help from the Mercury! 🗳️

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) May 2, 2025 at 6:06 PM

• While a federal investigation into the alleged ethics violations of former Secretary of State Shemia Fagan ended with no formal charges, Fagan has agreed to pay a $1,600 fine to the Oregon Government Ethics Commission for taking a side gig consulting for the La Mota cannabis company while being in office, along with questionable travel expenses. Since her office was doing a state cannabis audit at the time, it could be considered a conflict of interest for Fagan to take such a job—though the commission found that "Fagan did not make any decisions or recommendations related to the audit of the state’s cannabis program that would have constituted an ethics violation." However, they did ding Fagan for using state funds to be reimbursed for business trips in which she got larger hotel rooms and rental vehicles to accommodate her family, though she counters she had gotten prior permission for the charges. Anyway, with Fagan's payment of the $1,600 fine, this seemingly brings an end to the looooooooong soap opera that dominated the 2023 news cycle to a ridiculous degree. On to the next overly-dramatized scandal!

• The May 7 deadline for Oregonians to get Real ID cards is... checks calendar and squeals... TWO DAYS AWAY! The cards are required for anyone boarding a domestic flight in the US (unless you already have a valid passport), and so of course, the local DMVs have been packed. An estimated 14,000 people (!) across Oregon were attempting to get the updated IDs last week, facing long hours of wait time. BUT! There's no need to panic, and unless you're planning on flying right away, you can wait until after May 7 to snap up your new ID... or just keep using your valid passport when you fly!

• A body has been found near Gladstone, Oregon, in the Willamette River that's believed to be the 20-year-old California man who was sucked over Willamette Falls in Oregon City while kayaking late at night. The victim was vacationing with his family at the time, and apparently unaware of the dangerous falls. His is the seventh body to be recovered from area waterways this spring. 

PHOTOS: Sandwiched between two other pro-worker, anti-Trump rallies, thousands of Portlanders filled Pioneer Square on May Day 2025.

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— Suzette Smith (@suzettesmith.bsky.social) May 2, 2025 at 3:29 PM

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• In news breaking this morning, Israel has reportedly okayed a plan to take over the entire Palestinian enclave of Gaza. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu says that every Palestinian will be removed from Gaza ("for their own protection" 😒) and once the military operation begins, Israeli soldiers will not leave. It's been three months since the Israeli government blocked all aid—including food, fuel, and medical supplies—to starving Palestinians, and the military has already taken full control over a third of Gaza. 

Trump was asked on Meet the Press if he's obligated to uphold the constitution. 

His answer: "I don’t know. I’m not, I’m not a lawyer. I don’t know"

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— Judd Legum (@juddlegum.bsky.social) May 4, 2025 at 6:56 AM

• Okay, let's check in on the latest ridiculous, embarrassing bullshit King Fool has been up to: Trump says he wants to reopen Alcatraz Prison—the former decrepit jail on a tiny island in San Francisco bay that's now a museum—in order "to house America’s most ruthless and violent offenders.” (It'll be just like a cross between Con Air and Night at the Museum except no Nick Cage and Ben Stiller. 🙄) Speaking of movies, Trump also wants to put a 100 percent tariff on all foreign films, because (according to this blustering imbecile on Truth Social) "the Movie Industry in America is DYING a very fast death.” (I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with Hollywood's endless dependence on boring superheroes and mindless reboots.) In other news, Trump is butt-hurt that Mexico doesn't want to use US military forces to enter their country and fight the cartels, because... what could go wrong when the military is now run by no-nothing billionaires? 

Trump accused of ‘mocking’ Catholics after posting image of himself as pope

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— The Guardian (@theguardian.com) May 4, 2025 at 4:10 AM

• The creepiest of all the creepy Trump cronies, Stephen "Nosferatu" Miller, is reportedly King Fool's top pick for National Security Advisor, and could replace departing NSA chief Mike Waltz, who screwed the pooch by leaking state secrets on a Signal chat with a reporter. Miller, who currently serves as White House deputy chief of staff, is by far the most dangerous racist in Trump's inner circle, having concocted the current slate of illegal deportations, which wrongfully sent Kilmar Abrego Garcia to a prison in El Salvador. While so many of Trump's minions are wildly incompetent and laughable, Miller is the one to really keep your eye on.

• Jury selection is kicking off today in the trial of Sean "Diddy" Combs who has been charged with alleged sex trafficking. The trial is expected to begin sometime this month, and Combs has vehemently denied all charges. If convicted, he could face life in prison.

• And finally... it's Monday, so let's greet all the Mercury employees as they come into the office!

@citizen_ck #1988crystallightnationalaerobicschampionship ♬ original sound - citizen_ck