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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋

If you're looking for a good time to wash your Speedos, today is the day since we'll be experiencing some morning showers before the sun returns this afternoon with a much cooler high of 72. BUT! That heat's coming back tomorrow with blisteringly sunny skies and a high of... 85?? (It's okay for me to wear a Speedo in the grocery store, right? Yeah, I figure it's okay.) Now let's read some speedy NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• A big win for Oregon and the nation: Trump got his ass handed to him (again) in the courts after 12 states—led by Oregon's Attorney General Dan Rayfield—sued the administration over King Fool's economy-wrecking tariffs, AND WON. A three-justice panel of the US Court of International Trade ruled that Trump exceeded his authority when he invoked the International Emergency Economic Powers Act so he could level absolutely insane tariffs on his enemies America's allies. Naturally, Trump's exhausted army of lawyers will attempt to appeal the ruling, but let us not forget that—in the month of May alone—our Turd in Chief has lost a whopping 96 percent (!!) of the district court lawsuits leveled against him. (It's almost like he just cannot stop losing, hee-hee-hee!)

Federal judges sided with Oregon and 11 other states in their suit against President Trump over his use of the a 1977 emergency powers law to impose tariffs on nearly all imported goods to the country. The judges' order strikes down the tariffs.
oregoncapitalchronicle.com/briefs/feder...

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— Oregon Capital Chronicle (@oregoncapitalchronicle.com) May 28, 2025 at 5:11 PM

•  A small group of angry police supporters (spurred into action by the political action group Future Portland—which is basically the latest version of failed conservative shit-stirrers People for Portland) held a press event yesterday demanding that city council reverse their decision to reallocate $2 million of the cops' bloated budget to the decimated park system. As you may recall, Mayor Wilson proposed cutting $10 million from Portland Parks & Recreation, while offering an extra $2 million to the cops for staffing—money they didn't even request. (Fun fact: For all the bellyaching the police bureau does about being understaffed, they have yet to fill 91 vacant positions after five years. 👀) The council rightly voted to move that unnecessary $2 million to fund our woefully underfunded parks system—which apparently infuriated the city's wealthy business class, even though the budget for their personal police department has significantly increased from $262 million in 2023 to this coming year's proposed $319 million. (Alone the police eat up about a third of the city's entire general fund, even as their effectiveness is hotly contested.) For more on how the police is a self-serving paramilitary organization that was conceived as a mechanism to protect the wealth and property of rich white people, read THIS.

• The Oregon legislature is proposing increasing the state's public schools budget to the tune of $11.36 billion—that's a 10.5% increase from the current level. But, BUT, BUT! Even with this sizable increase, many school districts (including Portland's) will still be forced to cut staff and programs thanks to rising costs and paying fair wages to educators. (So don't let Oregon politicians try to trick you into thanking them for their "generosity" when they've ignored our state's education woes for decades.)

• Proponents for Oregon's birds and wildlife are protesting a proposed ride at Portland's Oaks Amusement Park, saying that the bright lights on the planned 130-foot-tall "Drop Tower" will disturb the migratory patterns of the area's birds. (Oaks Park sits on the edge of Oaks Bottom, a protected wildlife refuge.) While a biologist hired by Oaks Park disputes their claim, proponents are appealing the city's approval of the plan.

If you're an East Coast expat, have we got a story for you! Ben Coleman reports on a trio of North Portland eateries where you can find some of the comforts of the Atlantic Seaboard in the heart of the Pacific Northwest. 

It's part of the Mercury Food Issue available in 500+ spots citywide!

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) May 28, 2025 at 11:29 AM

• In case you didn't notice, it's MUSIC FESTIVAL SEASON, muthaforkers! And our music editor Nolan Parker has an absolute banger of an article documenting the summer fests you cannot miss, and all the ah-may-zing musical acts who will be there! Don't be the uncool ding-dong who's left out of the fun—read it all here!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Today in "SO LONG, LOSER!": Billionaire crybaby and "world's worst boss" Elon Musk announced he is leaving the Trump administration (with his tail tucked beneath his legs)—coincidentally soon after publicly criticizing King Fool's "big, beautiful bill" which provides sweet tax breaks for his fellow oligarchs while also beefing up his racist agenda against immigrants. It's no secret that Musk's efforts to reshape the federal government and cut waste was an utter failure that actually cost more than it saved, and so history can now add DOGE to the growing pile of his fuck-ups, which includes Twitter, Tesla, and SpaceX (maker of fine exploding rockets since 2002).

President Trump extended relief to at least 11 people whose crimes spanned decades and included tax evasion and extortion, according to a White House official.

The pardon recipients confirmed by the official all had felony convictions, like Trump, and could see an array of benefits.

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— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost.com) May 29, 2025 at 7:45 AM

• And the rampaging racism of the Trump administration continues with Secretary of State Marco Rubio announcing that the US will "aggressively" revoke the visas of Chinese students, particularly those studying in critical fields or with any association to the Chinese Communist Party. According to a spokesperson for China's Ministry of Foreign Affairs, “This politically discriminatory move exposes the hypocrisy of America’s long-proclaimed values of freedom and openness, and will only further damage the United States’ international image and credibility.” At least half of America responded, "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock." 

• In yet another embarrassing Trump loss, a federal judge has extended the order that blocks King Fool from stopping Harvard from accepting international students. Interestingly, Trump was already backpedaling on the order he made last week, giving Harvard a 30-day extension to contest his decision, which the university is taking about as seriously as a fart in a windstorm.

one time I was on the subway and this baby was in her mom's lap and the baby leaned over towards me and the mom goes, do you want to hold the baby? and I said yes I'd love that and held the baby for awhile, she was adorable god what a terrifying ordeal

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— Whitney Curry Wimbish (@whitneycwimbish.bsky.social) May 28, 2025 at 4:51 PM

• A village in the Swiss Alps has been completely destroyed and buried following the collapse of a glacier from the mountain above them. Roughly 90 percent of the village is now covered with mud and ice—though thankfully the vast majority of the 300 people who lived there escaped after authorities warned them of the pending collapse last week.

• And finally... what follows is the number one reason we should have stricter gun laws.

@brandibaddassafro Uncle Arthur had ZERO chill and 100% charm. These pranks? Legendary. #RetroRewind #UncleArthur #TVPranks #ClassicTV #AfrologikRetroRewind ♬ original sound - Big Hair Bella Badd Ass