ENGORGED, X FORK, LOPEZ, BUNG

(Satyricon) Without fail, every time I see the word "Engorged," I think of a man we like to call "Sexual Chocolate"--a stripper at Three Sisters--who has the hugest flaccid penis in the world. I guess that's pretty natural with a name like Engorged. Anyway, despite the gross name, these dudes play some super-fast hardcore, where the singer simultaneously manages to do chalk-voice and sing along with breakneck metal riffs, blowing up the frequent slow and steady of a lot of hardcore. They rock so hard, fast, and angry with so much screaming and screeching, it would amaze me if they could keep this up for more than two songs. Hardcore fans, see them, or burn in the eternal fire of a moronic hell. KATIE SHIMER

MANPLANET, STAN MCMAHON BAND

(Blackbird) Manplanet is a group of four dudes from Minneapolis armed with keyboards, some spacesuits, and a 4/4 time signature. They play the type of poppy, Moog-y, new wave made popular by Gary Numan; their music is unremarkable but also inoffensive. The real draw, apparently, is their live show, in which they channel the creatures of space and light things on fire. The robot/apocalypse shtick has been done five hundred thousand times, but for many, it never gets old. Besides, it's Thanksgiving, the most useless holiday in the world. JULIANNE SHEPHERD

LARRY HEARD, BRETT DANCER, D-LYTE, BLISS

(13th Floor) 13 NW 13th has been the site of many clubs throughout its tenure, from the notorious City, to rave haven Zoot Suite, and most recently the ill-fated House of Grooves. It's once again been remodeled, with a new sound system, and now boasts the moniker The 13th Floor. Many of the events on their introductory calendar have seemed a bit lackluster, with one exception: Larry Heard. He is perhaps the most influential house producer out of Chicago; his music is spiritual and deep, dance-floor smoothness. With releases on the seminal Trax imprint as Mr. Fingers, he defined a genre for a generation of club goers. This is his first appearance in the Northwest in his career of almost 20 years. Also spinning will be New York deep-house stalwart Brett Dancer, who releases top-notch grooves on his Trackmode Recordings label. ELLIOTT ADAMS

FRIDAY 11/23

THE JULIANA THEORY, THE MOVIELIFE, THE STARTING LINE

(Meow Meow) I like to talk about music a lot with my coworker, Ezra "Ace" Caraeff, because he is an even bigger music geek than I am. He knows virtually every bit of gossip pertaining to everyone in the entire world of underground and independent music, and he will impart that gossip willingly, especially if it is extraordinarily juicy. He also talks really fast. Another thing I like about Ezra is that he also has many witty things to say about record labels and bands. Recently, he made the point that practically every band on Tooth and Nail Records sounds exactly like another band, only Christian. For instance, MXPX is the Christian prototype of the Fat Wreck Chords roster, and there are even spazzcore bands, a la Gravity Records. The Juliana Theory, then, is the Christian doppelganger of Get Up Kids, "down to the hair!" as Ezra commented emphatically. But I think their sound is actually more akin to Stryper, only without the weirdo leather outfits and metal pedals. JS

WAR MACHINE, ATROCIOUS MADNESS BENEFIT FOR LAUGHING HORSE BOOKS

(Red & Black) Laughing Horse is one of this city's many progressive bookstores, and this is a benefit for them. Includes music from Atrocious Madness who, by many accounts, is the most distorted political hardcore ever. JS

THE PRIDS, ANDALUSIA, THE SWEET SCIENCE

(Satyricon) Andalusia is the kind of music that makes everything seem to be in slow motion. Which can be good for long, ponderous nights on the town when maybe you dressed up and are feeling a touch glamorous. Their sound is slightly spacey and melancholy, largely due to the eerie distance of mournful vocals over slinking beats. In a club setting, it might inspire you to affect an air of mystery and engage in sly, quiet flirtations with comely strangers at the bar, while daylight transforms the mood into a bleaker contemplation. And hey, a lot of people are happy to depend on a little sulking to maintain emotional equilibrium through the drizzle. Andalusia exudes a chilly formality that is best suited for dim rooms, slow strobes, and fantasizing about your past life as a mentally ailing aristocrat. MARJORIE SKINNER

NATALIE MERCHANT

(Schnitzer) A minor irritant with a soothing voice, Natalie Merchant has enjoyed a long career by hovering slightly below the "just fucking shutup" radar. When she fronted '80s college rock favorites 10,000 Maniacs, it was hard to hate someone who took herself so seriously at such a young age, especially when she was strangely pretty and didn't try to hide her poochy stomach like the rest of the girls. And then there was her questionable relationship with the as-yet-not-out-of-the-closet Michael Stipe. Over the years, Merchant has matured into an adult crooner whose interesting voice is merely that. She's not compelling, but not awful; she titles her latest album Motherland and dedicates it to the victims of 9/11, but acknowledges Mother Jones, Helen Keller, Amelia Earhart, and all the great female Southern authors (who heavily influenced the disc) in her liner notes. The songs on Motherland are dark and depressing, mushy, and scarily soothing despite their obvious, trademark pretentiousness. KATHLEEN WILSON

SATURDAY 11/24

CAFÉ DEL MAR, JAFFA, HI-PLANES DRIFTERS

(Naked Sushi) As rock-and-roll provincial as Portland may sometimes seem, there are many trying to flip the script for you and me. Naked Sushi, a supper club that will be featuring gourmet tapas this particular evening, has got the right idea. The island of Ibiza, off the coast of Spain, is mythically hedonistic and beautiful, and it's where you'd go to find Café Del Mar. The music is what you might expect: lush, chilled beats and sounds to comatose the sun over the horizon. Jaffa, similarly of the loungey-house persuasion, are funky yet restrained, and won't obstruct your conversation too terribly much. This is also a chance to catch Hi-Planes Drifters, who pair DJ-driven afro beats with live percussion and winds. ELLIOTT ADAMS

BARBARA PITTMAN, SIX STRING ERIC & HIS LAZY RANCH HANDS, MALIBURUN, DJ MURPHY

(Conan's) For those unfamiliar with the legacy of Sun Records, it was this little label in Nashville that produced such artists as Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, and a rather lewd hip-shaker named Elvis Presley. However, while Sun was a virtual powerhouse of testosterock, there were few women on the label. Enter Barbara Pittman who, with her lusty slam-bang hit, "I Need a Man," stepped up to play with the big boys, and proceeded to lay 'em all to waste with down-home boogie rock that'll just flat out git it. While Ms. Pittman may have a few years on your average indie rocker, expect her to know a lot about entertaining a crowd with hard-drivin' classic rockabilly, designed to get that tail-feather in gear. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

THE WIG OUT

(Dante's) Inspired by New York City's own "Wig Stock," this annual event at Dante's is a great opportunity to trot out those wigs and tresses--and all for a good cause. Benefiting Friends of PWAs (People With AIDS) and Todd's Corner, Wig Out is an evening-long spectacular of drag glamour, go-go girls and boys, dancing, snake charmers, and music from Portland's premiere glam rock band, The Deadlines. While it's not required, suggested dress code includes wigs, club wear, and fantasy costumes. But do us all a favor, honey: Dress like cash... not like trash. WSH

SWORDS PROJECT, JIM YOSHII PILEUP, CASIOTONE FOR THE PAINFULLY ALONE

(Blackbird) I think there are about 500 people in the Swords Project. But, remarkably, it's not overkill--like when every person from a 50-person bill on a hiphop show comes up and tries to rap together. No, the Swords have a remarkably elegant tightness, one that can be sad like a rainy day or tight and almost inspirational. They use some drum machines, some keys, some guitars, and probably a bunch of other instruments, but it's hard to tell with so many people. If you're looking to just hear some awesome music, you really can't go wrong with this show. KATIA DUNN

HIPHOP TONIGHT, EPISODE IV

(Crystal) B-Boy, DJ, MC Battle. Holy Crap. See Music pg 15

SCARECROW & MR. ROBE, PHOPLEX

(Beulahland) Scarecrow & Mr. Robe and Phoplex are part of Nerd Music, whose goal is to further promote electronic music in the greater Portland area. Their previous shows have included local electronic aficionados Mr. Sparkle, Acroyear, and the wonderful Solenoid. Scarecrow & Mr. Robe will hypnotize you noisily with music that sounds as if it was beamed in from old episodes of Star Trek--lots of industrial-like white noise and dizzying mind lasers. As a side note, there is a link on their website to beerandlaptops.com, which is an organization of Portlanders devoted to hanging out, drinking beer, and laptop computing (all at once). What is the sociology of it all? JS

MR. T EXPERIENCE, LONGSHOT, BIG IN JAPAN

(Ash Street) Feeling like a lovelorn loser? Play a Mr. T Experience album, and you'll soon be jumping around while singing along to the patron saint of all lovelorn losers who steadfastly refuse to learn their lessons. "Tapin' Up My Heart," "We Hate All the Same Things," and "Hell of Dumb" are a few of the silly titles produced by this Bay Area pop-punk outfit, a trio of revolving members--save for singer Dr. Frank, the most obsessive crush-monger ever, who just can't seem to find the right girl. Frankly, the gals must be crazy; how could anyone not love a guy who pens a song called "I'm Like Yeah But She's All No"? KW

SUNDAY 11/25

THE STITCHES, THE GODDAMN GENTLEMEN, THE STARVATIONS, NEON KING KONG

(Ash Street) This is the show to go to if you want to get really drunk and hear some garage rock on a Sunday night, starring The Stitches, The Starvations, (who have an album entitled A Blackout to Remember), and PDX's own Goddamn Gentlemen, who have been known to raise a ruckus or two. Neon King Kong features Hot Rod Todd, the ex-vocalist of some people's favorite SoCal garage-wave band, Le Shok; they have a forthcoming single on GSL. JS

ROLLERBALL, ZU, THE PLANET THE

(Blackbird) If you are an adventurous artisan, this show will be wonderful for you, because Rollerball, Zu, and The Planet The all possess a singularly frenetic weirdness that is captivating as it is off the beaten path. Zu is an intense, instrumental ensemble, joining a horn section with slappy bass that shakes and stammers. There will be lots of skronking in that really good, heavy way, and it's grounded by such a fabulous rhythm section, it seems more like danceable funkcore (I coined a term--HA!) than something that calls free jazz its home. Rollerball also has a horn section, and keyboards, drums, and bass, plus the compelling vocals of wildman Shane Deleon and the beautiful Mae Starr. All you need to know about The Planet The is that they've been known to execute back-to-back keytar/guitar solos. JS

MONDAY 11/26

ASPERA, THE VESPERTINES, THE FASCINATION

(Blackbird) Aspera sounds like some nerdy '90s leftovers; it's the kind of music that falls into the category of everything and nothing. You know, it's psychedelia, it's grunge, it's pop-influenced. Translation: it's fluffy. Granted, it's well executed fluff, so you know, if you're into that sort of thing, or whatever the saying is. KD

TUESDAY 11/27

NIKKA COSTA, MIRANDA LEE RICHARDS

(Roseland) You may have gotten your first brush with Nikka Costa in a Tommy Hilfiger commercial, where "Feather" had its debut. Remember? It was set in a dimly lit room, Lenny K. and Eve were cold chillin', while off in the corner there's a DJ spinning that glorious voice and that wicked backbeat. I went into a fucking tizzy trying to figure out just who that voice/song was. Now, thanks to that sneaky marketing and a fly video where Costa is sporting a blue top that barely sticks to her ta-ta's while her name is featured in bright lights in the background, we all know who she is, selling a few million records here in the U.S. to boot. FRANK NIETO

THE INCREDIBLE KID & DJ ANJALI

(Blackbird) Now a Tuesday night staple at the Blackbird, DJ Anjali hopes to vitalize Portland's landscape of Bhangra music lovers. Bhangra is beautiful, rhythmic dance music that had its beginnings in the Northwestern corner of India and quickly became the preferred music of Britain's Asian population. Apparently, its popularity in America is strong enough for established scenes in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and other large US cities, but it is something the Portland metro area hasn't seen much of until now. In addition, the Incredible Kid will spin his regularly bumpin', eclectic sets of everything from My Bloody Valentine and the Swirlies to Kool Keith, Grandmaster Flash, and the ever-lovable Miami Booty Bass, to which it is possible to execute a popular dance move called the "Florida Booty Bomb." JS

WEDNESDAY 11/28

ORSO, JACKIE-O MOTHERFUCKER

(Blackbird) Red Red Meat's Brian Deck and Ben Massarella join forces with Rex's Phil Spirito to play experimental music with banjos (typical of Deck, if anything about Deck is typical), organs, computers, typewriters, piano strings (plucked from outside the piano), and toilets, among a plethora of other scraps and varied instrumentation. Orso is guaranteed to be a terrific time if you're into banjos, toilets, tuning pegs, Red Red Meat, and Rex. JEFF DeROCHE

DIGITAL DETENTION

(Ground Kontrol) At digital detention, you'll do dance time with DJ Proxy, Sir-Real, and Maximus; but for the price of your cover charge, you're also banished to a night full of free arcade classics such as Donkey Kong and Galaga! Oh! It is as if death hath prematurely lay his dirty head upon my weary lap, that I must spend eight hours never taking my eyes off the pinball machine! JS

GOING TO SEATTLE?

Sat 11/24: Source of Labor (I-Spy)

ues 11/27: Orso (Crocodile)

Wed 11/28: Wilco, Mercury Rev (Moore); Nikka Costa

For more info, visit www.thestranger.com

New Releases Nov. 27: Busta Rhymes, Clairvoyants*, Green Pajamas, Ludacris, Melody Unit, Royal City, Skating Club, Teenage Fanclub

*=may actually turn out okay