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PO Box 86208, Portland, OR 97286
PO Box 86208, Portland, OR 97286
Beaverton: Gates close at 11!
Beaverton: 10011101001100011!
Beaverton: We just added lanes to Hwy 26!
Beaverton: Better schools than Portland!
Beaverton: Food cart schmood cart!
Beaverton: Ensuring Democratic victories since 2010!
or
Beaverton: where the taco carts aren't run by white hipsters trying to cash in on the latest foodie fad
Okay, those both suck.
How about:
Beaverton: go ahead and laugh, pussy, your 800 sq. foot condo cost more than my house and would fit in my garage.
Yeah, that sucks too. I give up.
can't miss a chance to make fun of hillsboro.
2. "At Least We're Not Hillsboro"
3. "Born from Beavers"
4. "Just 20 Minutes of Hellish Traffic West of a Better Place"
5. "Because You Have Kids Now"
6. "The Tenth or Eleventh Best of Oregon, If We're Being Honest About It."
7. "No Longer Slyly Referring to Ourselves as SW Portland"
8. "We Have Burgervilles, Too, Why Won't the New York Times Write Up Our Vibrant Food Scene?"
9. "Life's a Little Cheaper Here"
10. "Still Far, Far From Tualatin."
big ups to CC for "because you have kids now"
Beaverton: number number number number number SW number number number Street.
*So close, but yet so far*
*short for beaver town!*
*Damn you craigslist apartment listings, I thought I was moving to Portland*
*sounds erotic to deranged men*
*not enough wax in god's ear to tame this wild beast*
*well groomed*
12. "Portland's Goiter"
13. "We're Gonna Win You Over! Ha, Not Really."
14. "God Help You If You Tell Our Children You're Gay"
15. "Proud Sister City of Birobidzhan!"
16. "We'll Do Those Things You Like That Other Cities Won't Do"
17. "Probably The Best Place On Earth In An Alternate Universe"
18. "A Chicken In Every Pot, and Fourteen Cars In Every Garage"
19. "We Have the Gigantism Problem Under Control Mostly"
20. "America's Windy, Breezy Big Easy Apple By The Bay of Big Shoulders & Brotherly Love"
(omg two levels!!!!)
OK, I'm done. Please mail my Yakov Smirnoff Memorial One Topic Riffsplosion Award to 4755 SW Griffith Drive.
Beaverton: Not even interesting enough for an ironic Mercury "Best of" edition.
Beaverton: The kind of place that needs a rebranding process.
Beaverton: The time is now, the place is Chevy's Fresh Mex.