Let's face it: your holiday office party is TERRIBLE. Or even worse? You don't have one at all! That's why the Portland Mercury is pleased to announce the second annual Portland's Holiday Office Party! It's the party for party-haters, or party-non-havers! SO. What makes Portland's Holiday Office Party so much better? JUST THIS:

• Fun-time disco dancing music provided by ANCIENT HEAT!
• More crazy ass dancing courtesy of DJ EVIL ONE!
• Tons of BOOZE!
• A “make-out” cubicle to share with your sexy “co-workers”!
• A photo booth for taking pictures of your make-out sessions.
• And a complimentary Xerox machine that can be used to photocopy one’s buttocks and/or genitalia.

We're dressing up Branx as a fictional corporate office complete with cubicles, desks, crappy equipment, half-dead plants, and motivational posters. You come dressed in semi-business attire (neckties and pantyhose are encouraged)! And TRUST ME, things are gonna get wild!

It all goes down THIS Friday, Dec 19 at Branx (320 SE 2nd Ave) from 8 pm to late, and tickets are only $12 in advance and $15 at the door! That's not much money for a LOT of holiday fun! SO GET YOUR TICKETS NOW AND HERE!

Or if you're feeling lucky, try to win a pair of tickets below! Deadline is tomorrow noon, and don't forget: If you tweet or Facebook it, you'll get extra chances to win! Good luck and I'll see you at Portland's Holiday Office Party—because as the management requires, "ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY."

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