1. Classes from Sativa Science Club

I talk about cannabis a “great deal”—which is a polite way of saying “too fucking much.” While I’m fairly certain I know what I’m talking about most of the time, those odds would be greatly improved if I took a series of classes offered by the Sativa Science Club. SSC offers “peer-reviewed curriculum and certifications for the cannabis industry.” There’s a five-part online certification program covering cannabis botany, compounds, and other crucial info, or an annual membership that’s even greater in scope, and pairs you with a personal mentor. Plus their director of education is Emma Chasen, who knows what is up. (Psst! Make a deposit by January 1, and get 50 percent off. Plus use code JAZZTOBACCO for an additional $50 off!) sativascienceclub.com, core certification for individuals, $650

2. Sublimator

Readers with a great deal of disposable income, this is for you: The Holy Grail of high-end vaporizers is the semi-mythical Sublimator. This Canadian-produced unit garners this status because I’ve yet to speak to anyone who has used, much less seen, one. But the photos and reviews exceed anything I’ve ever read for vaporizers, with users reporting unheralded terpene extraction from a mere .1 gram of flower, and it handles concentrates as well. With a price tag that starts at $775 and goes up well past $1000, I need a benefactor, with whom I will gladly share a session on this monster to ease sticker shock. Order one for me and I will provide the .1 gram of flower. sublimator.ca, $775 and up

3. Rosin Tech Press

I love rosin, a cannabis concentrate made using heat and pressure, but the per-gram price doesn’t play well with my wallet. I could make my own at home if someone would order me a Rosin Tech press. They have a variety of sizes and models, but the Smash model is for the home user, and weighs a mere 40 pounds, so could I take it to the homes of my friends who grow. It uses two tons of pressure, has a microprocessor for even heat control, and comes with a one-year warranty. Making BHO at home is illegal, and would result in me blowing off fingers. Rosin rules. rosintechproducts.com, $545, (Psst! Using code “Jinx” saves you 10 percent)

4. Oregon Candy Farm Edibles

Every good weed columnist deserves fudge, and if the fudge is cannabis-infused, then get it in my mouth now. The Oregon Candy Farm, located within the original Oregon Candy Farm, which made non-medicated candies since the 1970s in Sandy, produces a wide selection of original recipe sweets, and yes, dear reader, y’all need to buy me some of this. Made with love and with in-house craft cannabis oil derived from cane alcohol (with no additives or preservatives), it’s melt-in-your-mouth/melting your stress good. There’s Apple Pie, Lemon or Berry Ginger chews, Chocolate PB Bites, and a limited seasonal release of Peppermint Fudge. If that doesn’t slay your inner Grinch, abandon all hope. oregoncandyfarm.com, various prices

5. And I Think You Should Donate to... Outside/In

Truth: Don’t buy me anything. The best gift you could give me (and many others far more deserving) would be supporting the tremendous people and work of Outside/In. Since 1968, they’ve been literally saving the lives of unhoused youth between 17 and 24, getting them job training, housing, education, access to services including medical, mental health, and addiction treatment, and paid apprenticeships. As many homeless youth are LGBTQ who were kicked out for being their own beautiful selves, you’re saying “I see you” in a tangible, meaningful way. Give them your money, time, or offer your business up for job training or apprenticeship, even unpaid. Their programs and staff are so innovative and effective as to be a national model. outsidein.org