What profession could you possibly be more wrong at yet still have your job? With your satellite, highly educated predictions that are highly off yet you still get paid, probably as much as athletes. You have famous status and your face on the cover of billboards and awnings. Did you go to school for chief meteorology? Those intricate studies of satellite imagery of clouds and rainfall and sun and high winds and storm and freezing rain and snow. I cant remember any time you said something would happen, it happened. Nor could you ever predict any of the snow storms weve had over the years. And you wanna say that youll bring us the weather so we can prepare for the day with which outfit to wear.

"The Outfitters guide makes us unstoppable?" Just tell us to wear a tank top, swim trunks, and flip flops, but also bring our rain jacket, umbrella, and booties, dont forget our beanie, and gloves, and be prepared to layer up with sweaters. Okay. Check. You got us covered now.

Be sure to drive wherever it takes, the west hills, troutdale, or the coast to find the weather. Look you found freezing rain. Look at these cars stranded on a fucking hill. Look at this wind blowing me around as we speak. I can barely stand on my own. We drove to the coast to find this wind for you. Back to you, dick and jane.