I've never met a more untalented person, but you had the ego of a renowned artist. Only in a town like Portland would mediocrity be celebrated. A mutual friend of ours invited me to your "art exhibit" in North Portland. The damn thing was in someone's crappy basement and about 12 of your "pieces" hung on the wall. Everyone was just so enthralled with the shit as I stood there feeling like somebody had slipped me some acid. Your art was that of a 5th grader, seriously, my 7 year old nephew could draw better than you. The weird thing was, everybody seemed to love it.

My friend asked me what I thought and I was honest: I whispered that I thought it was shit. She started to give me reasons why she loved it, coming up with all this babble about symbolism or whatever. I just told her that the guy was scamming everyone.

Then, you arrived... the renowned "artist" entered the basement with drink in hand while wearing, I'm not fucking kidding, an ascot. You made your way through the room, explaining your inspiration for each "piece" as everyone listened intently. You were so pompous and egocentric that it was absolutely ridiculous, but the saddest part of it all is that the women were all over you. Here I am, single and alone, and you're getting all the attention for scribbling some shit on cardboard?

People in Portland are fucking sheep and just because the word got out that your art is good, everyone wants to be around you. Your art is shit, man.