Actually, people that walk slowly are not "slow". They are intelligent enough to know that if you leave extra time in your day to smell the roses, enjoy random conversation, and, if you're REALLY smart, enough time for the occasional booty call, your life will be all the richer and less stressful. I leave the house 2-3hrs early. I see these dumb fucking laboratory mice rushing around me, blaming me for enjoying life because they're "in a hurry". You're not in a hurry, you fucking ape. You're fucking LATE. Late for your job interview, late for your date, late for your life.
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.