Dear Portland Ladies:
You all are officially the worst.
Its officially shorts season, the sultry heart of the Pacific Northwest
Men know how to look without being seen, but you fucking ladies look right to where my thigh gap would be and seem to get lost there.
Your sunglasses don’t make you invisible and your gender-hetero what the fuck ever doesn’t protect you from looking like some knuckle-dragging-fucknut-goon.
Whether you’re thinking she’s brave, she shouldn’t do that or giving me props or what the fuck ever; you need to mind your manners. Staring isn’t OK.
If you are going to get lost in the pillow of my thighs you better give me a fucking head nod or something, let me know what’s up, because I’m going to start embarrassing your stupid puritanical gaze holding yuppie faces.