I was attending my company's monthly "team building outing" when I first felt it. A rumble in my tummy that was indicative of my worst fear: Bubble Guts. In a public place. In a public place filled with my coworkers. As quickly as I could, I slipped out & walked around the city, farting my way around the Pearl. I made the mistake of stepping into Powell's, and the worst of the worst started to hit me just as I reached the pearl room. My apologies to anyone I gassed out of there. I thought about getting out of there, but I was really enjoying catching up on the latest in the musician biography section. To the attendants of the Rare Book Room: It was me. I'm not sorry. I understand I probably depreciated the value of most of those books, but in my defense, they were already sort of overpriced.
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.