Bringing outside food to a place that serves food is tacky as fuck. That said, reading this obnoxious rant with your weird, occasionally misplaces emphasis makes me want to bring indian food into your shop, order a water and stink up the joint while maintain eye contact.

Donald Trump has a restaurant,coffee shop in Portland?

Now, while I can understand your grief at people bringing outside food into your place but if you start by calling it YOUR DOMAIN then you're taking yourself and your job way too seriously there, Smaug. Also, if you're calling your dime-a-dozen, literally on every corner coffee shop a "fine dining, creative caffeine cocktail slinging establishment." Then it looks you're fishing for more respect than you probably deserve. It's just a coffee shop, there are worse ones, there are better ones, don't be an ass about it.

On second thought, this is a sarcastic rant, right? How could it not be?