One reason Portland is such a great place to live is because we not only have a terrific park system, but we often get treated to free public shows of ignorant, entitled hipster pricks making absolute fools of themselves. Take you, for example: your stylish but weathered parka; your ironic mirror shades; your vintage chain wallet; your fixie stocked with a basket of no doubt delectable vegan and gluten free treats.

I'm sure you already had plenty of things to look down at others about that day, but what really set you off was when that vicious 10lb brown lab got a little too close to your toe-headed kid in the dog park, and you began loudly berating the dog's owner for letting his dog run the dog park. That was pretty hilarious. What was more hilarious was when you tried to get in the face of the huge bald guy who suggested you stop being hysterical and go somewhere that doesn't have a dog park, or maybe just shut up and chill out. "THIS IS MY PARK!!!" you cried like a teenage girl going through her first breakup. I couldn't quite hear what bald guy said to you when you made the extremely poor decision to advance on him like you were Effeminate Hipster Terminator, but the look on your face as you skulked away afterwards was worth 10x the price of admission.

Keep fighting the good fight, DW! One of these days you'll get the dogs out of the dog parks. Or maybe just get your nuts bitten off trying.