As a youth, my dad told me I need to be more vocal and speak my mind. This continued through my teens. I was a shy and passive person. still am in some ways but I just call it observant now. My guess is I was processing my childhood, why my parents were not together, crying myself in bed with my mom comforting me. although I dont remember a thing about their relationship or them together at all now. With various public performances, its just something I had to overcome and eventually gained more confidence in my views, though fear and anxiety is still there. Im always the quiet one at family gatherings because everyone else is usually loud, type A, or a social butterfly. So I try to speak up and feel stupid when I do because noone listens. now Ill send emails or text with very specific questions or remarks revealing those innermost thoughts and feelings. wanna know what? Most of the time, they are completely dismissed. Whats the deal? I finally open up and I get totally ignored. They could at least say thanks for sharing. Btw, its nothing bad or negative I have to say. Just stuff a little deeper than, what you been up to lately? And nada. Zilch. Ill remind them this is a very reason I didnt feel comfortable opening up before, let alone did I know what my thoughts were. Now that I have opinions and views, now that I share them, it disappears in a void. So next time it may seem like pulling teeth talking to me and im back to quiet and a blank stare, they'll know why. Likely not
I Told Them So, They Told Me Nothing
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