Keeping with the theme of I Anonymous' directed at one specific person, I thought I'd write an email to an old friend:

Dearest Henry,

I'm sorry that I said your girlfriend was annoying, for I'm sure that it may have hurt your feelers. We've been friends for 9 years and you've dated her for 5 of those years, so I could call dibs, but I'll be the bigger person and not do that.

Your girlfriend asks the most mundane and incessant questions. When you answer said questions, it's not enough... she'll continue to ask different questions about the same thing, even after you've answered the shit.

I had an upset stomach that Tuesday, the day before we picked her up. It was caused by too much coffee and I know this; it's happened before. We picked her up, you told her about my upset stomach and the cause, but that wasn't enough for her. For the next THREE DAYS she offered up alternative reasons for the cause of my upset stomach, even though I knew what it was. I was polite and all, but it was all that I could do to not rip out chunks of my hair right there in the backseat of your car. Mind you, this is just one example of MANY.

Fine. We're not friends anymore. It's all my fault. I get it.
Your girlfriend is still fucking annoying.

As Ever,

Call me if you wanna talk about it. Keep this private and don't tell her what I said, but I know you already have, so what's the fucking point?