I know you when you walk in the door. I can see through you, your wants and wishes. I can tell if your smile is fake or real, or if your "I'm a tough guy" face is legit or a made up defense mechanism. I know if you're a slut, or just want free drinks. I'm your teacher when it's your first legal drink. I am your girlfriend for 15 seconds when I'm cracking open your tallboy. I'm your psychologist when you're nursing Gin on a Monday afternoon. I'm your bestie when you're blushing about a guy staring at you. I can give you tough love when you've become a regular, and I'm your invisible servant when you're with all your friends on a rowdy night out. I've been doing this long enough, and I'm damn good at it. It still surprises me how some of you bar room veterans are so naïve. Todays words of advise: if you want a drink and the bar is crowded and the wait time is long and it seems like 5 different lines have formed. Identify which lines are which types of people. I'm going to purposely take my time and avoid the line of people who seem like they've never been in a bar before. I don't have time to waste on a person who doesn't know if they want Gin or vodka in their shit drink. Get in the line with people who are already toasted buying beer. It's the easiest for me so I'm going to move that line at a higher rate. Until next time Portland.
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