Lastly: What the fuck is up with the Appropriative Portland Google Docs “shit list” drawn up mere hours after this whole Kooks burrito dust-up? This list is even more egregious than the Willamette Week story. Spend your money where you want to, but don’t use your performative wokeness to be the White Savior you think you’re being. This list is irresponsible and let’s just say it: It’s. Not. Your. Place. To. Say. You may think you’re coming from a place of allyship, but you’re making that look performative, too. Sit down and let the people you think you’re trying to help speak for themselves.
And for my final act, I’ll pull out everyone’s favorite troublesome argument trope: the false equivalency. By your logic, Portland Google Docs shit lister, white folks like yourself should feel scandalized when listening to music that was, indeed, culturally appropriated from African American musicians. Outright stolen, in some cases. So to put a stinger on the end of this rant, no Beatles for you. No Bowie, either. Talking Heads? T. Rex? The Ramones? Nope, nope and nope. No, what you deserve is nothing but white sad bastard music for the rest of your days. Enjoy your Ray Lamontagne, your Damian Rice and your Bon Iver. Have fun clapping yourself to sleep every night on the 1 and the 3, you joyless miserable white.