Have you never heard of boxer briefs? Hybrid undies may be the long-sought-after solution to Peter Pan syndrome!

A little piece of me died when you tried to be funny in the middle of your rant. You truly do belong at open mics. Come back home, lost soldier.

Well, anyone can say that doing open mic is easy when they aren't the ones on stage. It was probably their first time up and few successful comics started out as smash hits. Maybe it's just hard to tell jokes with a room full of people staring at you? I bet you could do stand-up while junk, they could probably do it while drunk, too. It's harder to do it while sober and aware of all the people in the room.