My psychic intuition has me foreseeing an imminent machete related attack occurring somewhere within the Portland city limits. I think this summer is going to be crazy, like it isn't enough already. So many folk at their wits end and nothing to lose.Thus far we have been lucky except for the one Trimet hate incident and the more or less normal rate of knife crime incidences. I don't have the stats but if I had to take a stab at it I would say knife attacks are on the rise. There is a creepy suspension vibe in the air, like the beginning of bad B slasher flick. All the reports of shirtless men sharpening and swinging machetes around seem like foreboding foreshadows. Portland isn't exactly known for its dense jungle understory. Please keep constant awareness of your surroundings. If a guy locks his wildman stare onto you and he has a machete or something then gtfo of there asafp.
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.