Happy Fireworks Day mofos! Hope everyone has thei illegal m1000s and sparklers in hand. Remember to fire them off well into the am. Make lil rover go crazy. Get your grilling ready. Buy some cow flesh, both the ground up and cutlet kinds, fresh from the slaughter house aka death camp for animals. Ohyeah. Buy some beer. Cases and cases of liver killing beer. Have a desginated drunk drive you home after all the partying in their penis compensator gas guzzling truck. Oh remember to wear diapers during the fireworks so you don't piss your pants. Dont want to soil your goofy red white and blue ensemble. That would be an embarrassment. Looking forward to all the stupd IG photos. Thanks
July 4th Trumpendence Day
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.