I snuck a bottle of whiskey into the Timbers game and got shit faced beyond belief. I passed out during halftime, ass up- face down in a cheeseburger I was eating, and was woken up by security/ Portland Police. Instead of taking me to the drunk tank (again) they let me call an Uber on my phone.

I feel bad because I was so shit faced that I threw up all over the back of the Uber driver's car. I woke up on my friend's bathroom floor the next morning and knew I had to spread the word on how awesome Portland Police are!!!