I'm sure I've lost all credibility by now.
At anytime before, during, or after I lost my cool and said fuck you to any person or thing that I saw. When all I saw were enemies and people complacently guarding my forward movement. People who actually said - don't hire them, don't rent to them, don't sell them food.
At any point during any of that, did any of you ever say anything to them? "this is my friend. He's always been good to me. He doesn't deserve this. Many of us have benefitted from him in some meaningful way and we always used to be happy to see him. I am ashamed that we all took part in hurting him. Some of use more active than others, but the rest of us knew it was happening. We all failed to act. I know he would be ashamed if it he had made the same decision we did"
I know it's selfish to ask for things. The whole world is bad. We're all struggling. I wasn't allowed to ask for help. I was supposed to keep it to myself and find a solution on my own. This is my ego speaking.
I am sad that we are no longer friends. My life is still pretty broken. I have to keep trying to fix that for a while. I won't plan for our paths to cross. If they do, I will do my best to avoid you. Because it still upsets me.