So while watching the playoffs last night, I saw an ad for something called the “Willamette Country Music Festival” featuring everyone’s favorite racist-white-rapper-turned-hillbilly- crooner, Kid Rock. WTF? Seriously, Oregon? Feeling both intrigued and annoyed, I went to the website and got more info. Fortunately, the shitfest doesn’t take place until next Summer, providing ample time for organizers to find a new headliner and send the asshole formerly known as Rob Ritchie back to Michigan and the rock from which he crawled from.

Also on the website’s FAQ, bold faced declarations include warnings of “Obnoxious and Illegal Alcohol Consumption” “Don’t Be A Jerk” and “No knives, guns, explosives, or weapons of any kind.” They’re joking, right? After all, what’s a Kid Rock show without getting a little rude, crude and stewed and firing off a few rounds from grand pappy’s shot gun. Sheesh. What’s next, no Confederate flags or tiki torches? Thanks for nothing, Obama! I’m also calling out the event’s sponsors to pull out and save face. It's just not worth it. And don’t worry, attendees will be just fine with all the left over cases of Kid Rock Beer and Trump Vodka (yes, a real thing and marketed by the same soulless company).