There you are, skipping the off-leash park and strolling through the neighborhood green with your beloved pooch. Sometimes by your side, sometimes roaming free, but never on a leash. Of course, no problem, because he’s super friendly, couldn’t hurt a fly. You selfish, clueless ass. You have no idea why you’re fucking with my day. Let me give you two reasons.

One, his precious, boundless frolicking terrifies my son. I don’t care how friendly you think he is, his unpredictability can make a fearful kid do unpredictable things. Are you happy putting children in a state of panic and potential danger?

And, two, if terrifying or endangering children is ok with you, my dog is not super friendly. That’s why he’s on a leash and not at the off-leash park. Because last time he was there, he of the proud shoulders and powerful jaws, nearly ripped a little pug to shreds.

Next time your untethered dog comes near mine, I’m dropping the leash and letting nature take its course. And next time he comes anywhere near my child, your dog isn’t the only thing going down.