To everyone in town that has gone to see live theater (or sometimes even movies)
I get it, people performed and you liked it. That is what applause is for. You can enjoy applauding while you are still sitting down. You do not have to stand up and give a standing ovation to every single goddamn thing you see. That is not what standing ovations are for! Theater is not a rock concert. They do not have another special scene to do for you if you stand up and keep clapping.
If the guy next to you stands up, you do not have to stand up too. If you are drunk, you also do not have to stand up to clap. If your cousin’s girlfriend was in the chorus, you can also stay seated. If children are performing in a lunch room, you are not a bad person for not standing up. You do not have to stand to clap politely or even enthusiastically. Hands are for clapping. Butts are for sitting on while you clap.
Standing ovations are supposed to be special. For the times you see the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen. Not for an abbreviated version of Shrek, the Musical! performed by 5th graders... unless it was actually the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen, then by all means: go see more theater.
So, to the overwhelming majority of people I see at every professional theater and every other school or free community show at the library, sit down and clap like everywhere else in the country!