(continued...) Needless to say, it was the patrol person’s sacrifice (I mean, the things they must have witnessed) and insistent duty to their jobs that saves society, and people such as you, from raging degenerates like us. He taught us a great lesson that day, the patrol man. For if he wasn’t there, we would have repeated the same behavior time and time again, and that is a risk that I now believe—recognizing that parking lots are family areas—is too great to leave to chance.

And to the man out there who had to see another man jacking off while his girlfriend sat simultaneously bemused and bored in the passenger seat beside him: a thousand apologies, you are no nuisance or pest, you are a hero. And I’m more than willing to pay for therapy or, you know, testify as a witness to your trauma if you want to get a medical marijuana license or something. (End)