It was the Friday before my birthday and I got home to find a bag on my porch with two Cupcake Royale cupcakes and a card. The card said “Happy Birthday. We had a good run. Keep making art. Love, signed so poorly I don’t know who this could be from”. I texted my ex asking him if he brought them by thinking maybe it was a nice gesture from him. He said no. It briefly crossed my mind that this could be from my current boyfriend, because I hadn’t heard from him in a few days. I was right. I don’t know what planet you come from, but a birthday card breakup? Seriously? We had been dating for like four months, maybe text me? At least now I can donate all the money I would have spent buying your broke ass food to charity and do something good with it.