To the neighbor who passive-aggressively fucked with my laundry:
Girl, I was there when your load in the dryer stopped. I was fishing my wet clothes out of the washer, your cycle ended, and I thought I’d give you a grace period to collect your stuff. So I set my alarm for 20 minutes, it went off, I putzed around for 5 more, then went downstairs. Your load was still there. It was after 11pm and I needed to wrap this chore up, so I carefully placed your laundry on top of the washer and began my cycle. That was unacceptable to you I guess, because when I went down 50 minutes later to retrieve my dry clothes, I found the door ajar and they were as wet as they started. You know, the fact my expediency offended you enough to stop my dry cycle, I forgive. I do. Even if it did mean at midnight I had to pay another buck fifty, start the cycle all over again, and stay up an hour later so as not to be the douche who leaves their laundry in the machine too long. But can’t you attempt to play nice in the future?
I want you to know I used the time wisely and had a furious hour-long jerk-off session that night while I waited. Which was fantastic, so thank you for that! But next time, girl, chill the fuck out! It’s just laundry.