You drive a red moped with an exceedingly loud fart-muffler up and down the street in the middle of the goddamn night (multiple times!). I'd call the cops but your piece of shit bike doesn't even warrant a license plate. Look, it's a free country, and you can ride that mountable weed whacker all you like during daylight hours. But come nightfall show some respect for your sleeping neighbors and keep the fart machine in the garage.
Curb Your Fart Machine
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.