To the Highly Regarded, New Fast Food Chain on 50th and Powell,

They said you'd be one of the greats and I believed them. You've got clout in town, you own other mega-successful restaurants around the city. When I heard that handmade, delicious burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, and milkshakes were coming to my neighborhood, I eagerly anticipated the opening. But then I heard that straight out the door, the milkshake machine was broken. That's ok, I thought. I'll just wait to experience this until everything is in working order. Because if I am going to get a burger and fries, yes, I'd like a shake with that. Because I'm 8 months pregnant and right now, milkshakes are all I have. But it's now been 3 MONTHS and this shit isn't up and running yet. I inquired with you about the issue. You don't have a phone number and your twitter may as well not exist, so I messaged you on Facebook. "I wish I had the answer for that. I am so sorry." You WISH?! Why DON'T you have the answer for this?! It's a broken machine. In your restaurant. It's been THREE months! Why?! How long does it take to get a milkshake machine fixed in this goddamn city? If the fryer was broken, I don't think it'd take 3 months to fix it. Certainly, this wouldn't be the case if the griddle wasn't working. Look, bottom line here: don't jack me off with this broken-milkshake-machine business. Just shoot it to me straight and if you're not gonna fix the machine, just take the shakes off the menu and let me get on with the rest of my life.