After a night of passionate lovemaking, we fell asleep next to one another. It was the first time I was spending the night and I was nervous, but hey, you gotta take the plunger sometime. We met about a month ago and after about 5 dates, you invited me over. I was anxious, but also excited. The sex was good... not great, but nothing to complain about, it being the first time and all. I was anticipating it would only get better.

I woke up in the middle of the night... not having slept too deeply because, like stated above, it was my first time staying over. Then... it hit me. The rancid smell emanating from underneath the sheets. I felt as if my eyes were going to water, it was so frikin spicy. I couldn't believe the putrid odor that had somehow left a human body.

I waved the sheets around to clear out the smell, but then you ripped another one. I laid there the rest of the night holding my nose and not getting another wink of sleep. You woke up as if nothing had happened and tried to get all cuddly. I just couldn't do it... so I feigned affection for a while and then said I had stuff to do.

You've been texting me all day, but I haven't responded yet. I almost feel like just blowing you off completely because I don't know how to be honest about your farts. I can't date you... I just can't. There's no way I can spend a lifetime with a rancid ass like yours. I'm sorry.