Dear Dumb Ass

Comments

1

Cry me a river. No one cares that a transplant honked at you. Can't handle living in a city? Don't live in a city.

2

The worst drivers are people from Washington and Oregon...... Washington State = angry driver weaving in and out, honking at people, never allowing anyone to merge. Even in traffic. Oregon = to fucking slow to drive. No sense of urgency. Don't know how to properly merge at the end of the lane. Kind of like personalities that live out here

3

Look both ways before you cross. Good advice when you we little. Good advice now.

4

It would be great if The Merc started filtering out these posts about traffic/driving/etc. This is just so basic.

6

Hey, here's an idea: You could just acclimate to the city you moved to, calm the fuck down, and realize that you don't have to lean on your horn every five minutes like you're outside the Holland Tunnel.

Also, just perfect that the guy from Jersey's on here bitching about Oregon drivers having "no urgency." Please, by all means, fly back to EWR and jump on 21 as quickly as possible. If you miss the "urgency," you'll get your fill of it before you hit Clifton.

7

That said, can people please figure out the zipper merge? The rest of the country gets it: Why is it only the Pacific Northwest that views it as a personal slight.

8

^^^YES^^^

10

I third CR and second whoever pointed out that dude from New Jersey needs to crawl back in his hole for trying to tell people how to drive (@6👍). Folks from that state drive like they have a gunshot wound to the head.

11

If I'm at a left-turn red light and the dipshit in front of me is taking too long when it turns green to figure out he/she should turn the steering wheel and step on the gas, then fuck yeah, I'm honking the horn.

12

We're here and we're not going away. Deal with it, loser.

13

"We're here and we're not going away. Deal with it, loser."

"We." Who's this "we," pal? You're going to hit month three of rain, miss mom's "gravy," put your condobox on the market and move back to loudtown before this time next year. If you're already pissy because somebody told you not to honk or run red lights, wait 'til you get a glimpse of "Oregon fair." I can't wait to watch your head explode because you can't buy something that was promised to someone else first.

14

"If I'm at a left-turn red light and the dipshit in front of me is taking too long when it turns green to figure out he/she should turn the steering wheel and step on the gas, then fuck yeah, I'm honking the horn."

Ladies and gentlemen, every Intel employee.

15

Real Portland drivers know to always drive at least 10 mph below the speed limit, stop randomly for seemingly no reason, "forget" to use their turn signal, and generally be unpredictable to their fellow drivers. Unpredictability is way less safe than slightly excessive speeds or laying on the horn too frequently, but go on and be self-righteous about the "Portland" way of driving. Go away to college, or to any other state to work for a few years, and then come back to Portland and you'll realize how infuriating Portland "native" driving actually is.