I'm a real cowboy and I love my president. I went on that there 8 day ride but a few days ago. Ya'll hear of it? Anyway, I always thought New York elitists had no clue what us common people go through, but after the New York elitist who is Donald Trump decided to run for president, well then, that there New York elitist done got my vote!

I always criticized draft-dodgers as America-hating commies, but after it came out that Trump used his daddy's influence to get multiple deferments so that he could ignore his country's call... well then, I'm all for draft-dodgers now, but only if they is a Conservative.

And you better believe I care about them unborn and borned kids and I'll fight for them, tooth and nail! If even ONE undocumented immigrant harms a single hair on an American citizen's head: BUILD THE WALL! SPEND BILLIONS! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!!! MEXICO WON'T PAY, WE WILL!

BUT! If a mass shooter (usually a white male, almost always a right-winger) mows down scores of innocent American citizens, INCLUDING CHILDREN, with his arsenal of guns... well then, there just ain't nothing that can be done 'bout it. It's called FREEDOM. Yep, t'aint nothing at all that can be done. Heck, I won't even participate in no ride to protest these kids getting murdered, nope!

Some folk might call me a simpleminded right-wing hypocrite, but I'll just respond by yelling in their faces: "FAKE NEWS!" and ride off into the sunset wearing my 20-gallon hat and Wrangler jeans while proudly waving my MAGA flag... cuz, you know, I'm a total original and not a cliche!