Dear Stupid Hag,

We’ve had gasoline siphoned out of our cars and my apartment complex has had enough. Not that it was you, but you should have known the meaning of karma. Last night, you pull your car into our parking lot, and as I’m walking out my door with my dog, you’ve walked next door and started cutting all of the spring flowers my neighbors grew, like an etitiled crack head. You also left your car door wide open, with the keys to the ignition. Hearing you come unhinged as I went around the corner, was absolute delight to my ears. You didn’t see me take your keys, and I am also the one who had your car towed as you argued with the towing company as I returned home walking my pooch. Those big eyes, attached to an entitled face as your car got taken away from you. Crying, you were calling friends to pick you up. Your keys are in a huge shrub between Sandy and Halsey on 49th. Hope stealing flowers was worth it for you! It caused you much more trouble than an arrest. And for that, I’ll have a good weekend.