1). If you don’t have fare and you are comfortable with the concept of stealing, when you get on the bus simply say to the driver “I’m sorry, I don’t have fare.” And then go sit down. Don’t stand there fumbling through your pockets for a non-existent transfer, or tell the driver some long-winded story and then get angry when they are anything less than sympathetic. Above all do NOT ask the driver for permission to ride for free. It’s not their job to endorse your theft in front of a roomful of paying customers. Just sit down and don’t bother anyone else.

2). If you are sitting in the front of the bus, maintain an awareness of who is getting on. It’s called the priority zone for a reason.

3). Don’t scream at the driver or bang on the outside of the bus for any reason short of a genuine emergency. No, the fact that you saw someone running for the bus from a block away is not an emergency. You are not a hero for holding up an entire bus full of people so that that one person could make it on. You are a dick for causing several others to miss their connections.

Of course there are other things but those are the major ones. Thanks Portland. And thanks for saying thanks. That tiny shred of humanity you offer up as you exit the bus is the only reason this job is tolerable.