To the woman entering Home Depot who insisted upon aggressively spewing “hello” three times in my direction as you walked directly pass the actual employed greeter.... Sorry lady, although African American, I am not the H.D. welcome wagon. In fact, I retired last year (under 40) from a career as an Air Force Aeromedical Evacuation Nurse. Perhaps it was coincidental...

To the itty-bitty schweet babies who are so confused, intrigued and downright shocked upon seeing my bronze skin.... little one, tell your parents that although Portland is, well, what it is, I’m certain that a few episodes of Doc McStuffins may provide a base of cultural familiarity. I understand that it isn’t your fault kiddo, as I am equally perplexed (and saddened) by your bewilderment.

To the woman standing behind me at a “Happer & Size” on Division who was so intrigued by my hair that she was compelled to (dare I dream it) plop her disgusting hands in my coif... Lady, I am a HoF athlete who could have literally snapped your hands at the wrist. Alas, I did not. Why? Because you seemed genuinely clueless and I was so shocked by your actions that it froze me in a weird space that no one should be forced to experience.

Look, stop it with the shennanigans. Wealthy A.A. couples actually exist, and get this, we are equally, if not more, invested in the prosperity of our community.

Alas, to the vast majority of people that we’ve encountered over the past year on a daily basis... thank you for being decent humans. Although my bicycle has been stolen twice, and our vehicle vandalized, we value your overall integrity and respect. YOU are one of many reasons why we are investing another year in this quirky city!