I asked for a raise 6 months in for a thankless job I was doing great at. You commended me about once a month so I felt it was fitting to ask for a 6% raise to commentate. You declined so I gave two weeks notice. I did some odd jobs to supplement. Months go by, you struggled to find my replacement. When you couldn’t, you bumped the wage up. Still no one fitting applied. I strolled in and said sure, I’ll do it, for 6% more than this new wage you are offering. You hired me back and so now I’m at a 12% raise. Yay! But, now I am using your time to fine tune my resume, network out, and get myself into something better. All on your dime you dick!!
Also, I’m seeing your stepdaughter and have been using your toiletries. This is going to be the best summer ever!