Dear (former) Employer: Thank you for firing me. I'll be honest, I was upset at first, after four years with the company and a broken back I didn't expect you to just toss me out on my ass. To be honest though? I'm glad you did!
I spent the last half of my twenties working for you, gritting my teeth while you made your immature gay jokes. I ignored the coked out sales guys bragging about how much they had to drink last night. Heck I even went along with it when you pressured me to lie to the Fire Marshal.
Now that's finally over with. I'm starting a new job and I'm SO HAPPY!
P.S. I tipped off the Fire Marshal about the forged documents, enjoy the shitshow ;)
-Your Long-Suffering FORMER Whipping Boy