Back in the good old days of Portland you could get some good watermelon just about anywhere this time of year. Cheap too. Don’t know if it’s global warming or the stupid transplants or just a bad public education system or what? I’ve had two of the worst watermelons in a row, but now I know which ones suck. My guess is the goddamned hipsters have crates of the good ones hidden away up on that rooftop bar. Fuckers, where are the good ones??!!