Last week, there was a day I didn’t have a lunch to bring. I filled a large container with Greek olives and packed 1/2 a pita and a little feta. All set.
Lunch approached and I ate all of it and yes, I do me some love Kalamatas. About an hour later, it was obvious they do not love me, the rest of my day was spent hustling to the bathroom for false alarms.
I get off work, get on the bus feeling good about making it home when a stomach churn says to me “Hey this next stop should be ours”. Realizing there is no bathroom I ignored this plea. A few more rumbles later it was clear; either get off the bus and shit your pants or stay on. I elected to get off and hustle to a Walgreens nearby. I made it 1/2 a block and whoosh. Every chunky olive I swallowed came rushing out of me, hot brine and all, dripping down into my leather shoes. Standing in the Walgreens parking lot, I grabbed a cardboard box to sit on and called a cab. Never eat a pint of Greek olives without plenty of water and don’t eat them at work unless you work from home.
Kalamata Calamity
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