I Stole Your Parent's Home

Comments

1

I actually turned this job down when offered. I don't remember if it was the same old-timey cowboy establishment or another one. I do know that they tried to give an off-brand Glengarry Glen Ross pitch for the job where a shmarmy fuck well dressed came in all of a sudden told all of us that he could accomplish anything that we wanted because he had the job. He pointed at me specifically and asked what I wanted out of life. I thought I'd trip him up when I said, "I want to know everything." But that slimy motherfucker was able to spin that somehow. I was living in a van at the time and really needed the work but once I found out that this human slime was in the business of taking people's homes, I got up and walked. The crooks were far more interested in recruiting me after that for some reason. I turned them down several times. It felt good that these evil bastards saw something in me that they couldn't have. I then got a job at a movie theater, squared in an unfinished basement, went to university in Europe, earned my PhD, moved back, published, and now am more than $100,000 in debt and work as a janitor at a private middle school. Which is to say that I can't blame you for taking the immoral job any more. Maybe if I had decided to betray my fellow people in precarious housing I would be sleeping next to my beautiful girlfriend without being afraid I'll run out of money. Instead I'm writing this real quick before I go off to a week's worth of scrub rich kid lunch off of their cafeteria floor.

2

Welcome to the world of Republican Deregulation where there are no laws and it's everyone for themselves.

3

Does no one edit this crap? I expect the Oregonian to not bother but surely THE MERCURY, that shining beacon on a journalistic hill, is good enough to edit these goddamned things before printing them?

4

@3 -- Edited, they might no longer exist.

oh

5

I once sold classified ads via landline; I did okay; I went in one evening, angry at the world and doubled or tripled my sales; an asshole and few said no. I jumped ship not long after.

Your Soul'd take a pretty big hit to 'live' like that, I'd guess....