Dear Runners and Joggers,
Stay the fuck out of our bike lanes. You are not a bike, much like my bike is not a car. I’m not in the streets crawling along, stumbling clumsily as I desperately crawl for my “beach body”. Please don’t do so in what is the roadway for bikes. And if you’re being asked to move, don’t throw a fucking fit, act like a damn adult and recognize you’re in the wrong place, and move.
You will not burst into flames if you have to run on the sidewalk with everyone else, I assure you. You are not special. You are not a world-class marathon runner in the midst of a competition. You’re some asshole who can’t respect other people and our social contract.
We’ve designed bike lanes so that bikes aren’t on your sidewalks and your roadways. Maybe, just maybe, If you kept your shit where it belongs, we won’t have to have an altercation every time I ask you (politely) to move. If you don’t want to deal with bikes flying past you, getting in your way, or generally making you anxious: stay. The FUCK. On the sidewalks - you childish fucks.
Signed,
Anonymous Bike Rider tired of pouty joggers.